Snow in the Sink and Some Other Creative Titles

   So, you're bored...we get that. It's snowing and literally below freezing outside and there's not that much to do inside. And the shaman (aka weatherman) says it's here to stay! Well, there is a lot to do, except you've got yourself a toddler, so doing much of anything is out of the question. We get that too. We're right in that special spot with you. And you've got that feeling that hits you between the eyes when your spouse leaves you at the table with the in-laws and everything has already been talked about and they ask about work again, or your boss makes a joke about something controversial, or you decide to eat a dairy product before you hit the hay forgetting how costly that was last time. We've been there too. And we know you've watched so much Curious George that you're starting to think that the Man in the Yellow Hat must be a trust fund baby and that there seems to be more going between him that lady scientist that he is telling little George and that Dr. Pizza may be a smart guy, but not exactly doing science on what most people call the up and up. And we know probably you're looking online for jobs on the island of Sodor because you can be vain AND cheeky and still be considered useful, fun, and lovable too. We know because we are too. So...it is time for a plan of action and we've got one for you. It's fairly easy and we'll outline all the necessary steps in order to make it a success. And remember to make mental notes of anything funny or anecdotal that happens and file it away in the file you have to return to when your spouse leaves you at the table with their boss and co-workers to use the facilities and the conversation has come to a standstill. Well, here we go:

Step One: Find Several Good Snow Sources.

Step 2: Locate Meddling Toddler.

Step 3: Stick Meddling Toddler In Front Of A TV So Close And Tell Him The Engines Have Something Special To Tell Him, But He Has To Be Close To Hear It. 

Step 4: Round Up A "Snow Gathering Apparatus & Container". 

Step 5: Fill Container Full & Empty It. 

Step 6: Wear Weather Appropriate Footwear. 

Step 7: Find Larger Container.

Step 8: Fill It Quickly While Repeatedly Checking On Meddling Toddler Who Is No Longer Watching Engines, But Rather Crying At The Front Door. 

Step 9: Empty Container Into Sink. Make Sure Sink Is Surrounded By Dirty Dishes. 

Step 10: Locate And Set Up OSHA Approved Staging Area. Allow Meddling Toddler To Climb Unsupervised. 

Step 11: Get Your Favorite Pandora Station Dialed In And Make Sure Meddling Toddler Dances To The Music. 

Step 12: Pour Yourself A Tall Cup Of Highly Caffeinated Coffee. 

Step 13: Explain To Confused And Meddling Toddler How Fun It Is All Going To Be. Make Sure He Is Surrounded By #3 Days Worth Of "Snow Days" Dishes.  

Step 14: Place Meddling Toddler Onto The Ladder Just High Enough To Make His Mother Whence. Face Him Towards The Snow. 

Step 15: Give Him A Multitude Of Cooking Utensils To Play With. 

Step 16: Prepare For Quick And Abundant Avalanches Of Quickly Melting Snow. 

Step 17: Pour Yourself A Tall, Cold Glass of Apple Cider. 

Step 18: Monitor Meddling Toddler's Hand And Measure Their Redness. 

Step 19: Add Cups, Cars, Tractors, And Other Toys To Increase Longevity Of "Snow In The Sink" Time. 

Step 20: Use Your Surroundings To Heighten Level Of Enjoyment With Snow.

Step 21: Blame Melting Snow On Global Warming And Pretend To Be As Angry As Al Gore. Maybe Blame An SUV Or A Republican Or Both. "W" Always Seems To Be Enough. 

Step 21: Move Onto Next Activity Unit When Meddling Toddler Moves Away From Snow And Onto Driving Supped Up Bulldozer On The Back Of Chair. 

Happy reading and even happier fact that I just got to spend three full days with my sweet Mel and my sweet boy and not at work,

   DAVID

The (Not So) Big Crash of 2013

     When you have a ride like this, you don't leave it in the garage or in our case, the shed. FH and I have really been tearing the streets up the past eight months. We have put about 250-300 miles on the bike since we first put the seat on the back of the bike and had it tuned up by the great folks at Cherry Street Cycles. And for those critics out there, that is not hyperbole, but rather something very close to the truth. If you do the math, that comes out to about 31 or so miles a month or a mere 7 or so miles a week. Our longest ride is 15 miles and our average is around 2-3 miles. Right now, we are living in what Mel calls the "polar vortex", so the mileage is at a slight stand still. We have gone out a few times, but we usually end up with a Fordsicle and we don't want that. Know we aren't really cruising along at high speeds, but we do keep it around 8-10 miles an hour and we plan on keeping that speed up. Let's just say we've got a three speed internal hub system and we know how to use it!

        And if you ride long enough and consistent enough to really get around it is almost a given that you will crash in some way. No, it won't be (we hope) getting hit by a car or totaling your bike in some near fatal wreck, but you will wreck. It is a given. If you ride exclusively on bike trails away from the trials of the city and motor traffic, then this is a very rare occurrence. But when you are riding the streets like FH, Mel, and myself do, then you will probably wreck the ole' two-wheeled stallion. It may be quick and almost harmless, but you will fall off, be thrown, get your tire caught in a rut, or just plain run into something. It won't happen often, but it will happen.

   Riding a bike may be something that can be picked up rather easily as the old phrase goes, but if you've ridden for any length of time, you, like me, wonder where that phrase came from. You may never exactly forget how to ride, but riding alone is no piece of cake and chauffeuring a toddler ain't exactly child's play. I'm not in anyway complaining or making it seem anymore serious or technical than it actually is, but a cyclist must be on constant guard; even if it is just a five minute ride around the neighborhood. There are cars, trucks, SUV's, high school drivers, private school moms, delivery drivers, rednecks, college girl drivers, police, 18 wheelers, etc and they are all paying attention to something else and most of them don't want you sharing the road with them. Throw in a couple of bad paving jobs, potholes, broken glass, elderly drivers, dogs, and trash cans on the sidewalk and you have yourself a place ripe for a mishap! And all of that finally caught up with FH and me.

The way the great beast looks now. 

The way the great beast looked. 

      And so it finally happened to us. I used to wonder how it would happen and hoped it would be practically painless and far way from heavy traffic and to my surprise, I got all my wishes. We were heading home at the fading of the twilight hours and I was pointing out some lights to FH and all of the sudden my knee hurt like mad, the bike stopped, we lunged forward, and FH let out a very loud, "uh, oh!". We didn't lay the bike down and we didn't have the bike on top of us and we didn't have scrapes on our helmets. We had just run into the back of a solid black trailer that was parked on the street. Our grocery basket had saved us! We wouldn't have been so lucky had we fallen prey to the laughs of those we pass at times, but we kept the basket on and it saved us; all except my knee. Here are a few shots of the basket. You can see we dented it pretty well, but that's what happens when you crash an aluminum basket into a steel trailer at 11 mph. If you were wondering, we didn't even put a scratch on the trailer. 

From the side. 

The shattered apparatus that attaches to the handlebars and that you attach the bike to. 

A top and angled view. 

A view from the top down. 

A front view. 

    We are fine and we've been fine. The scrape on my knee didn't amount to much minus a few days of pain and a surface scratch. FH was unharmed and thought it was funny. We threw the basket away and are riding with an old, steel locker basket attached with green speed ties at the moment (Locker basket 55 to be exact). Another front basket is in the works. Once you start riding with a basket and use it on a regular basis, then riding without one is hardly an option. Where are we supposed to carry our snacks and do you think we were going to leave home without them? FH and I hardly think we're going to be doing any such thing. You are free do so, but we aren't leaving anywhere without a few necessities and we surely aren't going to start wearing a backpack or something. We are basket men and we plan on staying that way. Our next basket is going to be a Wald basket and we're going to sport it with pride. What do you think?

Silver or black? 

  Happy reading and happy, but safe riding,

  DAVID

She Did It Again…Or Hey, Mr. DJ Turn the Record On, I Want to Dance With My Baby

No, not her...but her, silly!

You know…my better half. My brown-eyed beauty from South GA. My very own Sweet Melissa.

   I am married to this lady. Don't ask me how. I'm still not sure exactly how. My college minister said I was marrying up, but this my friend, is way up. I, sometimes, tell people or students that my parents paid her. I, sometimes, think she had a moment of weakness or maybe a multitude of years where she was feeling especially philanthropic. I hope she got the hours. No matter what her reasoning was or is, I still did pretty well in the ole' marriage department. She has her faults, but in the scope of things...those are few and far between and compared to mine, they are what my students would describe as "weak sauce". 

   Anyway, the above lady, has a past. No, not that kind of past, but she has a past and what the good folks on Law & Order call an MO. And this MO has to do with her buying Christmas presents for me. Don't worry, this is my last post about Christmas. I, never intend for this place to be a venue where I brag, but when it comes to the gifts my sweet Mel buys me, I'm not sure what else to do except brag or talk about them with beaming pride. Her MO goes a little like this: she has me make a Christmas list, she looks at the list, and then she goes and buys me something I have never asked for, but end up loving and using a lot. If you'll remember, last year, she bought me this:

    I wrote a blog about it and you can read it here again. I won't give you the list of all the gifts she has ever purchased for me, but she bought me my first bow tie. She sent us to a David Gray concert. She bought me my digital hiking thermometer. She bought me my first pipe. You get it. She is a great gift buyer. I, now know that each Christmas, the box under the tree from her isn't going to be something on my list, but rather it is going to be something I didn't even know I wanted, but will end up loving. And this year, she did not disappoint, but she did follow her signature MO (mode of operation or method of operation). And now to the gift…

It's a briefcase…

It's a suitcase…

It's the proverbial "football"…

No, sillies…it's the Crosley Cruiser 3 Speed Portable Turntable with embedded speakers!

      I won't say too much about the gift because I really don't know much about it except it is an awesome gift and I have enjoyed having it. It make listening to music seem like an event when you take the record out, place it on the turntable, place the needle on the record, turn it on, watch the record spin, and wait for the sounds to come from the speakers. Sort of makes digital music seem like it is missing something. No, I won't go all super-hipster on you and look you in the eye and wax poetically about how records have a better sound quality than the music that streams from my iPod because that's simply just not true, but it is a whole lot more fun. FH and I one to put the record on, wait for the music, and dance for a while. Or all three of us love to turn it up loud and really shake what our momma's gave us which can be a little tricky if you find yourself in FH's velcro shoes because his mom is right there.

Listening and dancing to music is awesome!!!

      I have never come right out and said that I'd like a record player, but I know when we go to someone's house that has one, I always end up saying how neat I think they are and Mel has been listening all along. And this Christmas, she dressed up like Santa and put one under the Douglas Fir for me. We have been giving our one record a lot of play and at times I look over and at her and she's showing small signs of regret, but don't worry, FH and I are quick to remind her that she bought it for us. And we turn it up louder and press through!

An inside view of our player. 

   The actual player is made by Crosley. They make radios, cd players, and a plethora of other sound devices. It is a 3 speed player, which means that it can play 45's, 33's, and 78's, which is really just record sizes. A neat and very useful part of the player are the embedded speakers. This is the part of the player that usually gets it a lower rating or review with the chief complaint being they aren't loud enough, but DJ Moonlight Mel, Fancy Fingers Ford, and Dirty D have turned it up to the max and we aren't quite sure what situation one might find themselves in where these little speaks aren't quite loud enough for you. Well…we can think of a few, but we don't want to be there.  It also has adaptations for plugging in additional speakers, as well, as an outlet for headphones or earbuds. 

Our player at task. 

     We only have one newish record so far, but please know there are grand plans of building a little collection. My first record that I opened on Christmas morning is Paracosm by a group called Washed Out. We first heard them on our Andrew Bird Pandora station and my little sis SHA turned us on to the rest of their work, but we were already in love with their song that is used as the opening song for the show Portlandia. Don't worry, it is your typical record full of hipster (read: white, post-college, granola, outdoorsy) nonsense. We like it and as they say, "its got a good beat we can dance to." I am told there is an Andrew Bird album on back order somewhere, but it hasn't shown its head as of yet, but when it does we'll give Ernest Greene and crew a little break. But until then, we'll keep spinning the hits and dancing as a party of three in our dining room as we watch the fantastic looking maroon record spin. 

The Paracosm Album Cover

   Happy reading, but even happier listening,

   DAVID