FH leading the charge in early June at our new home.
Some people are great at looking up ahead and seeing the lay of the land and seeing how every thing blends into the bigger picture or issue. My wife is this kind of person. I envy her. And some folks are great at looking back and seeing the goodness that lies amongst the hard won and hard learned lessons of the past. I wish I were one of these people too, but must confess I'm neither and I wish it weren't so, but it is. So, as I sit typing this many days after the start of this new year, I try my hardest to see exactly what type of year 2014 was. I had such great expectations for 2014 because 2013 had been so tragic for myself, my wife, and my little family, but in life, I'm learning that one doesn't just leap from tragedy to triumph in a single bound; that the phoenix did rise, but that rise was still covered in burnt debris and charred ruins. Lazarus did rise, but he had to walk out of a tomb. I believe that is what I'm slowly, oh, how ever so slowly, learning. That loss and painful tragedy are still there when we rise and always will be. It is not rubbed out. We are all Jacob walking with a limp. We've defeated the angel, but now will carry that wound wondering many times if the blessing was worth the everyday pain. We are the wounded warriors; not the valiant, courageous, untouchable warriors we once thought we were. I know there are all those great quotes about the "honor" of being wounded because we have had to chance to really live life, but in life, at least for myself, that wound or wounds, feel so much different and don't exactly feel like inspirational poster material, but feel like experiences that I may choose to skip if I had to go through them again. I know how this sounds and that is ok. I'm not counting myself even amongst those branding themselves as wounded warriors. I'm cowardly at best and most of the time wish the line from that Patty Griffin song, Top of the World, "...I wish it would have been easier, instead of any longer…", were true rather than just a line from a really good song. I'm only being honest to you and if you know me, you already know that. I have and do tackle challenges, but only those challenges that seem easy and pleasurable and in the end just prideful; running a marathon is easy compared to having a right relationship with my wife and loving her as Christ loves the Church, biking 50 miles is easy compared to using my resources wisely on a daily basis, etc. And I have a wife who is highly patient and very, very forgiving and my resources are small and should be easily manageable.
So….looking back at 2014 and wondering just what type of year it was isn't exactly easy from where I am sitting. 2014 was begun with us just trying to hope that the nightmarish way 2013 ended would not follow us and wondering if we could or if we would survive and if we did end up surviving, would the two people at the end even remotely resemble the two people who were at the beginning. And I was really doing this same thing last year about this time. I was only trying not to lose what I had left and seemingly living every facet of life in what I can only call survival mode; which is really no way of living really. I feel maybe the best way for me to explain the year to you is through the lessons I began learning and from a few pictures. I'll begin with the lessons and end with the pictures. No matter what, I'll apologize early for a post that is going to be too long and too sentimental for most of you, I'm sure. And I'll refrain from saying the lessons are ones that I've learned and understand because I know this isn't even close to the truth. I merely know that I am beginning to see the foundation of the lesson and will spend many moments and the rest of my life attempting to understand all that has occurred over the past year.
I have begun learning anew that God is completely faithful in the very face of my complete and almost hourly unfaithfulness. This is more humbling each time I have to learn this. I am forever the prophet Jonah cursing the shade tree that God has provided for me amidst my grumbling. I've learned that the most precious possessions that I have are not possessions at all, but rather gifts that were and are given to me on a daily basis whether I deserve them or not. I've learned my wife is more forgiving, humble, wise, and stronger than I ever guessed or imagined her to be. I've learned once again that silence is the loudest when an answer is about to come right at you. I've learned that beginning again isn't so easy and has to be stronger than a few moral platitudes. I've learned that holding my sweet boy in my arms is the greatest feeling in the world and one of my only true refuges. I've begun learning that the things in life that slow me down are the things most worth doing and paying attention to. I've learned that family, both biological and inherited, are so very forgiving, generous, faithful, helpful, and so very hard to live rightly with. I've learned that growing up is nothing like you beg for when you are too young and unwise to know differently. If you knew what it really was like, you'd scream for someone to protect you from it. I've begun learning again the sufficiency of God's Word and of heaping upon that Great God Jehovah all that I can no longer carry. I've begun learning that even in the darkest and most trying times, there is still a small glimmer of light and it is so very hard to hold onto it. I've now begun to finally see that there are two ways to live life, by choice and by circumstance, and am working everyday like crazy to regain the privilege of getting to live by choice. I've begun learning that the amount of items in this world that I do not know about or understand greatly outweigh what little I do know. I've begun learning what the real me looks like and enjoys. I've begun learning that saying you believe something and actually living like it couldn't look anymore differently. And lastly I am beginning to learn that I'm never enough and that I'm never suppose to be. I know this is a lot and please, please know that I am in no way saying this is all I have learned. I will spend the rest of my waking days attempting to learn all of this and probably will die not really understanding all of this and that is fine. All I am saying is that I have begun anew learning so many things and 2014 was the reemergence of this.
FH and I getting in a little "no" time before we realized how cold your hands can get.
2014 began with cold and more cold and then snow, real snow and I had to miss something like 6 days of work because of it. During the snow, trapped in a house with a little toddler who didn't understand why we couldn't go outside for longer than a few moments because he is restless inside like his father, I wished for warmer days, but now 12 months away from those moments, I'd give up a lot to spend those moments again with Mel and FH and watch him experience his first snow and hear him look around in awe and keep saying, "no", "no" which is how he sounded when he tried to say snow.
FH and I chasing our shadows late in the day downtown Macon.
2014 was when FH and I really hit our stride on the old, steel wonder horse. We rode around 550 miles give or take a few. We rode early and late and warm and cold. We rode so many places and I had so much fun; fun I'd forgotten you can have on a bike going about 10 mph. We rode and rode and rode and sometimes we even got off and found some pretty great places to play, explore, get muddy, eat snacks, and even take a few long autumn naps. I hope my memory never lets me forget any of these moments.
My home away from home from February till June.
2014 was the year I didn't coach track for the first time in eight years, but instead got a second job. We needed money. It was funny to make the Walter White comparisons with those who felt the need to do so, but I will easily admit it was very, very humbling to change out of a coat and tie and leave a place where I was the head of a department where I was completely respected and then change into a t-shirt and pants and vacuum cars and trucks and then detail them for hours on end in the cold and in the heat for a few dollar bills in order to pay the bills each week. It was also a very odd feeling to be on your knees wrist deep in the nastiest of cars and look up and see the spires of the college you used to once study at in what felt like seventeen lifetimes ago. It was humbling to wash the cars of people I knew, or of students I taught or had once taught, or vacuum the cars of people who we were friends with. For the past several years, I have often said that I, like my dream literary and life mentor, Wendell Berry, believed all work was good work and when done with integrity is highly worth doing, but this job at the car wash made me slam up against this at about 1000 mph and although I still will say this, I only now actually believe it and understand it. and I'll probably never say it out loud unless asked about it. It is an odd thing to be treated like trash knowing the "low class" people I'm working around are far better people than the man or woman who thinks its okay to treat people who are serving them poorly. I respect and look at people in a much different light and learned so many things about myself and life during the 4.5 months I worked at Fountain. I actually miss that place and would work there again if I had the need or the chance. Yes, it was hard and extremely humbling, but it was also an education and at times very satisfactory.
The ole' Trek waiting patiently in the tunnel at the car wash.
The Biria loaded down with a day's worth of belongings.
2014 was also the year I got a new bike and attempted to become something I'd wanted to be for a very long time: a bicycle commuter. I had ridden my bike for errands and to work on and off over the years, but nothing to really speak about or count myself amongst the rank and file of bike commuters, but I really gave it a go in 2014. I used my bike to go to both my job at Covenant and my job at the car wash and to just about everywhere in between for around 100 days in 2014. I'm not exactly sure about that number, but I feel it is pretty close and may actually be a little small. I could write a lot about this and I'll spare you, but all I really say is that I loved just about every second of it. Yes, it is really hot when it is hot and yes, it is really cold when it is cold and yes, there are about 100 downsides to being that guy who rides his bike everywhere, but the next time you are sitting once again at a red light or stuck in traffic or thinking about how you could just get a little exercise if you didn't spend so long in the car or the next time you begrudgingly pay for gas, think to yourself that you could skip all of that if you just rode your bike to work. I know everyone can't do this. I'm back in that situation again myself, but I'm so happy that for many months of 2014, I got to be that guy who rode his bike to just about everywhere. And I'll leave you with this thought and with the knowledge that I'm actually not so great on the bike, but my job at the car wash was exactly 5.5 miles from my classroom door at Covenant. In the car, that trip took me about 25 minutes on a good day. I could make it on my bike, loaded down with all my things, in about 15-20 minutes. If I could, I'd gladly give up my car for a bike as my main mode of transportation in almost any situation.
A basketed Biria enjoying a quick ride after work on a back road somewhere in Ben Hill County in July.
What about the new bike, you ask? Well, I won't bore you with too many details about the bike. There's a full post on that waiting in the wings. I will tell you it is an olive green Biria CitiBike. It is just about the most fun bike I've ever had and ever ridden and it has helped me really change how I think about cycling. I know those folks out there that are very financially conscious are wondering how a guy who was working two jobs just to make ends meet can afford a new bike and is maybe thinking that if I spent money on wiser things than stupid bikes, I wouldn't have to work two jobs and all I'll really say is thank you for judging me without knowing the full situation and to please ease your fears; nothing is ever as it seems. I bought the bike just like this. The bike came to a grand total of $401. My brother in law gave me a $150 doll hairs for Christmas. I laid this money down at Cherry St. Cycles in February. And almost every single day at the car wash, I did what no one else wanted to do: I cleaned out the filters and the lines of the industrial vacuum cleaner that ran the 12 hoses at the car wash. And everyday, these filters and lines contained piles and piles of change that had been sucked up. And each day, I sifted through hair balls, moldy food, finger nails, insects, dirt, dust, skin, and every other disgusting thing you can imagine to get the change that lay in there and each day I walked away with around $2-$20 in change and I'd put it in a glass jar at home and when that jar was full, I'd take it one of those Coin Star machines and get dollars for the change and then go make a payment on the bike. And I did just that for most of February, all of March, and three-quarters of April until I walked in one day in April, laid my last payment down and walked out with a brand new bike. I have changed several things on the bike and there'll be posts about that too, but this is a great, great bike and I'm so glad I sifted through all that crap just to get it. It was well worth it.
Our group standing in front of the NYC skyline while visiting The Statue of Liberty.
In March of 2014, I got to chaperone the class of 2014 at Covenant Academy on their Senior Trip to NYC. I could spend many posts talking about this trip, but I won't. I'll only say that although it was very hard to spend a whole week away from sweet little FH and dear girl MelBelle, I'm so glad I got to go on that trip; especially since 2014 was my last year there at Covenant. It was a trip for the mental history books. We left Covenant at 5 am on a Monday morning in Macon, Georgia and for the next five days we did not stop and it was amazing. I had been to NYC nine previous times, but never gotten to go like this. We did just about everything one thinks about when talking about a NYC trip. We rode the subway, went to Ellis Island, the Empire State Building, toured the Met and the Museum of Natural History, jogged (for a about a half mile) in Central Park, saw where John Lennon lived and was killed, ate out a lot, worked at a food pantry in Hell's Kitchen and Harlem, saw a show on Broadway, went to Macy's, shopped in China Town, ate in Little Italy, went to Tiffany's, ate from street vendors, toured the Statue of Liberty, walked through Time's Square, saw the NYSE, and visited about a dozen famous churches, and walked through Greenwich Village. We did a lot other things too, but those were the main items. The trip was truly wonderful and the Covenant students were exceptional. I was always proud to be with them and they made me look good. I could type a lot more about that too, but I won't. The trip was amazing and I made memories with the other two teachers and the 21 students who went that I'll be thinking about for the rest of my life.
FH and I at Covenant Academy's 2014 Prom.
2014 was also the year, that FH and I really started to go. I've always taken him with me just about everywhere I've ever gone, but this year, we really started to get out of the house and take off. I love this little guy more than anything in life save Mel and it gives me so much pleasure to have him around. Yes, it makes everything take longer and yes, I have to bring many more items than I sometimes would like to bring, but having him around and getting to watch him experience everything anew is something worth far more to me than all of those other items. We went to breakfast on Saturday mornings on the bike and in the car, we went to countless sporting events, we went to XC practices like it was our job, we went to church and to concerts, we went out to eat, just us guys, we went to the grocery store and to Lowe's and Ace Hardware, and we even went to Prom 2014 and he stayed till 10:30. I am so proud to be FH's father and hope he shadow's me his whole life. He's a great boy. Yes, he's bad, but I love having him around.
FH sampling his cake before he blew out the candles!
In April, FH turned two. He was addicted to the, Itsy Bitsy Spider, at the time and to be honest, he still kind of is and sweet Melissa threw him a really cool Itsy Bitsy Spider party. The house we were renting was transformed into a really cool and hip spider web and we partied for hours! My mom came up from Florida and my in-laws came up from Fitzgerald and so many of our friends in Macon dropped by to help us celebrate. FH loved his cake that his Lulu (Mel's mom) made for him and loved having everyone over at his house to play. I had a good time, but the really the only thing I could think about at the party was that it was really hard to believe that my dear boy FH was already two. How had it already been that long since he was born? I will never understand time and it has never made that much sense to me and having a child has not helped that at all. I cannot believe so many times that I am married and have a child and often times it feels fake and then to get to give your son a party for being alive for two years of living, you have to step back and bite the insides of your cheeks because it can't all be so real, but it is. I will say that FH is the third best thing to happen to me behind my salvation and then my marriage, but he has changed me. I can't believe that I foolishly walked around and claimed so many times that having kids was not for me. I love being a father. It is so very, very hard and takes so much out of me and leaves me frustrated and exhausted so much of the time, but everyday all it takes is getting to hug my sweet boy or get to read him a few books, pray with him, and put him to sleep and all of that makes up for the "hardships" of being a dad and they seem to fade away and it all becomes worth it. I'm not claiming I know anything about being a father or that I'm a good one because I know that isn't true. I've made all the mistakes one can make from ages 0 seconds till the age that FH is now and I'll continue to do so, but I love being FH's dad. It is a true honor.
A quick pic on the porch before the party began.
The "ole' gettin' about town car", the Forester.
Around the end of March and beginning of April, we had to sell a car. Our in laws had graciously given us not one, but two of their older vehicles and we were a two driver family with four cars sitting in our driveway and on our insurance bill. When we had only two cars sitting in the driveway, it was already almost too much to keep two cars on the road full of gas and everything else and the added two cars were not helping us. You know that verse where Paul says that he boasts only in the grandness of God, well, I'd like to follow suite in a small way. God does big things for me and for us. No, we're never, or I'm never so good at remembering this, but He does. He sold our house in Dothan in two weeks when the housing market had just crashed. He gave me my first teaching job in Dothan and they hired me with no experience and 0 hours of education classes. He gave us the house we rented after we lost our house in Macon the very day we needed it. He gave us not one, but two Subaru's when both of our other cars had seen their last mile. And in 2014, I put up the Forester for sale for exactly what I had paid for it and a guy drove up, gave me exactly the price I asked for in cash, and drove away without almost asking a single question about the car. God sent him and God sold the car. We tried to sell the other car and it just wouldn't sell no matter what we did or who came to see it, but God didn't want it sold because He knew we'd need it shortly. It was sad to see the Forester go. It had been mine since 2006. It was a great car and I'll always remember it. It was a member of the family.
My sweet family at "the happiest place on Earth", The Magic Kingdom
After some pretty intensive internet research by our sweet Melissa, we loaded up the car and headed south to take FH to Disney World. My parents had invited us and had given us two tickets to us as a present for FH's second birthday. We love Disney and my parents live about 25 minutes away from the place, so half the battle of finding a good place to stay is something we never have to do. And due to the proximity of where my parents live to Disney World, I grew up going to Disney a lot, mostly because we knew so many people who worked there and one of the perks of working there is they give you a certain amount of passes for you to use every month. I don't know the actual number of times that I've been to Disney World, but to throw out a number like 200 wouldn't be too crazy, I don't believe. If that sounds crazy, know that in the last seven years, I have been to Disney around nine times and I currently live 5 hours away from the place. Even if I just kept that pace up, I still would have gone to Disney almost 30 times if I only had the chance to go for 20 of the 35 years I've been alive. Please know that I'm not bragging. I'm only telling you facts. Most of the times, like 98% of the time, the reason I've gotten to go is that I was a chaperone, a coach, or a child getting his way paid for by someone else. Anyway, I greatly digress. Mel and I love Disney. My mom and sisters do as well. And it was a real treat to take FH there and watch him react to the place. Mel did her best to indoctrinate him in all things Disney before we arrived and I'll say it was mostly a success. We had a great day there and FH was a true trooper and did amazingly with everything considering he is two and that it was almost 90+ degrees and extremely crowded. We got to go with both of my parents and FH loved the rides we went on and the big parade. I won't say he understood the idea of waiting a half hour to ride something for about a minute, but that isn't something most people can grasp. I do look forward to bringing him back as he begins to understand characters and stories more. I believe he, like his mother and me, will end of really loving the place.
FH trying to take in all things, "It's A Small World".
There is a blog post sitting in the "Drafts" section of this place that I stole the next several pictures from and it hasn't been published because I still haven't gotten my mind and my emotions around it all. At the end of the 2014 school year, we made the very hard and excruciatingly painful decision that if all things stayed the same, we could no longer afford to live in Macon anymore. I had been looking for a new job for three years to no avail and had applied for around 200+. I had asked for raises, but life in Macon is pricey and considering our place, financially and emotionally, we just couldn't do it anymore. We were forced to make a change in order to continue to exist in a good way. To be honest, our credit after foreclosure was shot, and renting in Macon isn't even close to ideal and there are no in between places there. There are the scary places that we could afford and then there are the just "mostly" scary places that we could almost afford to live for around $700-800 a month and then there are the nice, safe places that you could live in for over a $1000 a month and that is just something we can't afford to do. And so, after being at Covenant Academy for three years and in Macon for the last six and four more during our college years before we moved to Dothan, we had to walk away from almost everything that had been our life there for almost a decade. I cannot express in words how terrible this was and is. I was almost completely sure that my days as a teacher and coach were over and when you realize that an era is over for that part of your life that makes you who you are, it is not an easy pill to swallow and to be honest, I'm still chocking it down. Saying goodbye and driving away from Covenant and then saying goodbye to our lives in Macon was and I think will always be one of the hardest things I've/we've ever done. Covenant Academy isn't a perfect school by anyone's picture. It has about a thousand things wrong with it, but I love that place and am so glad God placed me there. It is a fine institution. The teachers I got to work with are amazing people and the kids, for the most part, are the finest overall students I've had a chance to teach. I would let FH go to school there. It is the only place I've taught that I feel that way about. Covenant took a chance on me and loved me, loved my wife, loved my son like he was theirs, and gave me three wonderful years as a teacher and I will remember them for the rest of my life.
And so on June 3rd, for the fourth time in as many years, we backed up a van to our front door and loaded our lives into it and several other cars and attempted to move. Mel had worked tirelessly for several weeks earlier with almost no real help from me, due to my working two jobs, and while being a mother and packed up everything we've acquired over our eight years of marriage and beforehand into boxes and expertly organized and labeled all but the last few. My gracious in laws and my mom came and moved us. We once again moved in a single day, but this time was a little better since we weren't seemingly fleeing something that is still shameful and scary to think about. A few nights before we left, Mel came to the realization that in the period of less than a year, we will have moved and fallen asleep and attempted to make a home under four different roofs. No, that is not good and I hope it is no one's normal and if it is, I cannot say I'm sorry enough. I have been there once and I hope to never enter that zone again. I also cannot tell you enough how much my in laws have rescued us, both figuratively and realistically, over the past two years. When it was known that we would in fact lose our home, they came and moved us and all of our stuff without almost a single word of judgment and wrote us a check for money we needed and had no way to get. And when we came to the realization that we needed to move from Macon, they were the first to offer help and were at our door helping us. They have been a constant blessing to me/us and have humbled me by their kindness, care, and acceptance of me in the greatest failures that I've gone through of my adult life as of yet. They are highly imperfect people, but have shown kindness to the most imperfect person I know of, myself, and have done so when it would have been far easier, both emotionally and financially, to leave me behind.
As I've already stated, I cannot, nor will I ever be able to put into words what leaving Macon was for me and for us. It has been six months already and my feelings haven't changed that much. I spoke to my dad on the phone as I was driving to Fitzgerald in a truck full of our junk following a full U-Haul and had my mom following me and I sort of cried to him saying that it was so hard to not wonder if the best of what life had to offer had happened already and had now passed me by. He was very kind and very understanding in his reply, but even now, it is still something that I contemplate. And sadly, I think this is a question that is a part of growing up because often times you look at your current life right square in the eyes and it seems to mock you a little with the joys and happiness of the past and kind of lets you know that those times are gone and will never more be. It isn't exactly true because there will be true joy and happiness again, but it will not be those same joys and happiness that once were. When we left Macon, I thought I was leaving behind a large portion of who I was, we left our friends, some of them were people we've known since college, we left our church, we left almost everything we knew, loved, depended upon, and valued and headed towards a house we had only been inside of for less than ten minutes and towards a great fog over every other facet of our lives. I didn't have a job. We didn't know of a church. The house that was there needed an overhaul. And that is only a few things we didn't have answers for. I sat in the cab of my old Dodge truck and almost shook from the anger, sadness, bitterness, and everything else I felt about leaving Macon. It felt like a whole piece of me was dying or getting ripped from my being. I know that sounds too strong and Macon isn't that great of a town, but it is where we went to college, where we met, where we fell in love, where we got engaged, where we bought our first home together, where we remodeled a place and made it a home, where we grew into adults, where we became members of a church family, where our son was born, where he spent the first two years of his life, and where a million other things happened. We love Macon. It was part of us. And it desperately hurt to leave.
The Trek taking in the surroundings of our new "hometown".
And so on June 4th, 2014, we woke up in the third bedroom in the house of my in laws and it didn't feel like all that had transpired had really done so, but they had. And we also woke up not as visitors to Fitzgerald, as we had done countless times before with a place to return to, but were now in the place that was our new home. And it is a very strange feeling to look around you at a place where you didn't specifically choose to be and had never visualized yourself being and attempt to see past your nose and see the future in your surroundings. As I have already admitted, this is not my strong suit, so as I helped to unload our U-Haul truck and then as we began to work on what would be our house and as we started living as residents of Fitzgerald in those first few weeks that quickly became a month, I will say that I would travel the emotional spectrum each day. I'd wake up and see so much hope for carving out a really good life here, but by the end of the day, I would have been angry and so very bitter about where my mistakes had gotten us and so very angry about how could God have made us move there and then so very sad about where we were and then we'd finish some job, or the sunset would be so pretty, or I would watch the joy on FH's face as he really got to play in the open spaces of our new home and I'd be so mad at myself for feeling any differently than graciously thankful and so happy to be there. I know how this sounds and it is what it was and is. I will also say that I will never read or think about the story of Abram the same. Yes, he got to have God choose him and he got to see God do miraculous things, but he still had to leave "his kindred and his home". I now know this is something I'll never simply gloss over. I now have done this in a round about and small way and I now know in a small way how costly this is. Yes, God gave Abram so much, but it also coast him so much and just because someone wants to point to an end point and almost ignore the passageway to get there doesn't negate its existence. Please know I'm in no way saying I completely understand the story of Abram, nor am I saying we went through the exact same thing because that couldn't be farther from the truth, but I have felt great affection for a place and have had to leave that place.
Day 1 at what would be come our new home.
I will not give you a line by line detailed account of our full scale renovation of what we have dubbed the, "Otter Creek Camp House", but I will say that for the rest of my life or at least for a very long, long time, I'm completely uninterested in home renovation. On the afternoon of June 4th, we made a little trip over to what would be our new home and did some little jobs around the house and then for the better part of the next three months give or take a few days here at there we worked on that place day in and day out and for many days, we'd work anywhere from 5-14 hours a day at the house. We had originally thought that we'd just do a bunch of smallish things like paint and pull up carpet and we'd save the really big things till much later, but that changed quickly as we began working at the house and what was suppose to be a small "fixer-upper" operation blew up into almost a full gutting and rebuilding of the inside of the home. This may come across like we really know our way around home construction, but that is also the wrong idea. I will say Mel has great vision and is more talented and gifted than you can really think about and I can occasionally get something right, but this was a daily task of love and extreme patience by my in laws. My mother in law spent the better part of three months watching little FH as his parents left the house in the morning and came back in the evening and she fed us, washed our clothes and everything in between. My father in law and brother in law did everything from take us to Ikea to pick up our kitchen, to rip out whole walls, to build new walls, and countless other jobs that seemed like countless other nightmares rolled up into one. We could not have ever done most of the work that was done without them and we'd still be living in that third bedroom had we not had their help, their talents, and most of all, their patience.
Looking at the front door area of our house. It ceased to look exactly like this after June 5th. The place is drastically different from what it was.
I have included a few pictures of "before" and "afters" for you, but they really do not do the renovation much justice. What began as a really sort of nasty house where we were unsure about letting FH walk around there turned into a place that looked like it fell out of a magazine. We redid, or reworked, and completely rebuilt almost every area of the house from the inside out. We did about 85-90% of the work ourselves and as already noted, when I say ourselves, I'm including Mel, my father in law, my brother in law, and myself. We tore down walls. We ripped cabinets out. We took out electrically items. We primed and primed again. We sanded. We painted. We rewired. We built new walls. We made a thousand trips to Lowe's, Home Depot, and the Fitzgerald hardware stores. We planned. We threw tools. We cut our hands on the saw and hit them with our hammers. We got angry at each other and grew very irritable with each other. We gave each other the silent treatment. We started to see the daylight. We made bad cuts and tried things over until it worked and in the end, we saw it taking shape. I will say nothing was easy and nothing went like it was supposed to go. And there were many days where I would have been very happy to take a loan out somehow and begin living in a used camper trailer and never look back and there were even some days that I would have gladly bombed the place and even some days that I began thinking that knocking that place down all together and starting from the dirt would have actually been easier.
The front room on the first day we began working on the house; nasty red shag carpet and orange shellac walls and all.
In hindsight, it might have been wiser to complete one room at a time and feel our accomplishment in that, but we didn't do that at all. We just went in and ripped everything out and attempted to work on every room at what felt like at the same exact time. That was very, very hard and I wouldn't advise it, but it is what we did. And I'll also say this about doing it that way and that is when you are getting near the end, it is actually the end for the whole place and not just a single room and that is really rewarding. As I've said, we redid or reworked every room in the house completely. We sanded the walls, primed them, and painted every inch of the interior of the house. We took out two closets and reworked/rebuilt the hallway and a whole wall in our bedroom. We ripped out the entire kitchen and built a new one. And when I say ripped it out, I mean that, including two of the four walls. We ripped up the carpet and put down new flooring in about 90% of the house. We put up all new fans and lights and reworked the electrical flow in the house. We ripped out the three window units and installed a central heating and cooling system. We did all of this and about a thousand other small things. And as I've said, we did about 90% of the work ourselves and the only things that were done by someone else were the drywall jobs, most of the electrical work, and then the central heat and air, but we were there when those jobs were being done and were quick to lend a hand and some days it felt like we were actually doing those jobs ourselves.
The transformed front room
The house is about 95% finished on the inside for now and we got to move in near the last weeks of August. It is hard to really know how to know how to feel or think about the house, but most of all, the house is a blessing; a blessing of the type that almost no one I know is given. We lost our home and didn't have even a small place to call our own and now we have a whole, nice house that we are working so hard to call our home and it is a home that we can never lose and it is a place that we did not have to qualify for or pay for. Yes, it cost us a lot of blood, sweat, and tears and yes, it initially cost my father in law a lot to help us pay for the renovation and we've begun to slowly pay that back, but we were not required to "buy" the house. And that is a gift and to be honest, I'm never so good at receiving gifts at first, but have to slowly ease into the idea of it. We've now lived in that place for a little over four and a half months and it is beginning to feel more like where we are supposed to be and less like somewhere we are staying till the storm blows over. The ideas that Mel had and that we all worked so hard to attain really paid off. The house, when it is clean and sometimes even when it isn't, is really something to behold. No, it's nothing that shimmers or really blows you away, but it is an almost completely transformed place and went from being a coldish, very dark, and dingy place to a place full of light, color, and warmth. I'm proud of the place and the drive up that half mile drive way at the end of a long day is starting to feel less like I'm lost and much more like I'm headed in the right direction. It is starting to feel like home.
The other side of our living room/dining room that makes up our big front, main room.
My two favorite people in the world at one of our favorite places: the beach.
Sometime near the end of July, we packed up our bags from what little we had that wasn't in boxes sitting in a storage shed and headed to Ormond Beach. In all reality, we really shouldn't have gone and didn't really have the time or money to do so. We were beyond knee deep, it felt more like throat deep, in our all-consuming house renovation and we really should have stayed put and gotten in another week of good work. However, it was so very good to get away from everything and my very kind and generous parents gave us a full week at the beach as an anniversary present and it more than hit the spot. FH is a lucky guy because he, at age 2.5, has already gotten to do so many things and go so many places. This was his third trip to the beach and I'm so glad we got to experience the beach this past year with him. The first time we went with him, he was a month old and it really was a living nightmare and in all honesty Mel faced most of this nightmare by herself. And two summers ago, we had to be so careful with everything and really had to watch him and he really didn't get beach life, but this year was really awesome. We just set up the tent we borrowed from my parents, lathered FH up in sun lotion, and let him do it all and he loved every second of it. We'd get out there early, hit a nap when it got hot, and then head back out to the beach in the late afternoon and stay till almost 8 pm. We loved it all and FH cried each time we had to go in because he loved the beach so much. There were even a few times that, even though we knew he was so tired, we let him stay and he'd almost fall asleep in the sand trying to keep playing. He loved the sand. He loved going out into the waves. He love chasing birds. He loved looking for shells. He loved eating snacks under the tent. He loved trying to catch those sand fleas. He loved the pool. He loved it all and so did we. And after all we had been through and after living with my in laws for the better part of two solid months, it felt so nice to be by ourselves and just rest amongst each other and do everything on our own schedule. It felt nice to skip a meal or eat later or stay up late or get up early. It felt nice to just get to talk to FH alone or to get to only talk to Mel and FH during a meal or to make a little family pile on the couch and watch "our" shows. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that it felt so nice to just be "our" little family again. We had so many great moments when we are at the beach and I'm already looking forward to a possible 2015 beach trip and FH really is. Sometimes, he'll go to our closet and bring me a towel and ask if we can go to the beach and it is really, really hard to explain how we can't just drive there. Or sometimes, he'll lay down in the sand that's in our driveway and ask me to play "beach" with him. FH is ready to hit the beach again and so are we. We love it there.
And so for now, I'll close and ask you to be looking for a Part B to this post. I thought I could just summarize our year in a somewhat longish post, but I also don't want you to have to spend the better part of an hour trying to read a post here. Hope you enjoyed this post and thanks for reading.
Looking forward to a great 2015 with a lot of hope,
DAVID
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