THE DARKROOM: Snow in the Sink and Some Other Creative Titles

So, you're bored...we get that. It's snowing and literally below freezing outside and there's not that much to do inside. And the shaman (aka weatherman) says it's here to stay! Well, there is a lot to do, except you've got yourself a toddler, so doing much of anything is out of the question. We get that too. We're right in that special spot with you. And you've got that feeling that hits you between the eyes when your spouse leaves you at the table with the in-laws and everything has already been talked about and they ask about work again, or your boss makes a joke about something controversial, or you decide to eat a dairy product before you hit the hay forgetting how costly that was last time. We've been there too. And we know you've watched so much Curious George that you're starting to think that the Man in the Yellow Hat must be a trust fund baby and that there seems to be more going between him that lady scientist that he is telling little George and that Dr. Pizza may be a smart guy, but not exactly doing science on what most people call the up and up. And we know probably you're looking online for jobs on the island of Sodor because you can be vain AND cheeky and still be considered useful, fun, and lovable too. We know because we are too. So...it is time for a plan of action and we've got one for you. It's fairly easy and we'll outline all the necessary steps in order to make it a success. And remember to make mental notes of anything funny or anecdotal that happens and file it away in the file you have to return to when your spouse leaves you at the table with their boss and co-workers to use the facilities and the conversation has come to a standstill. Well, here we go:

Step One: Find Several Good Snow Sources.

Step 2: Locate Meddling Toddler.

Step 3: Stick Meddling Toddler In Front Of A TV So Close And Tell Him The Engines Have Something Special To Tell Him, But He Has To Be Close To Hear It.

Step 4: Round Up A "Snow Gathering Apparatus & Container".

Step 5: Fill Container Full & Empty It.

Step 6: Wear Weather Appropriate Footwear.

Step 7: Find Larger Container.

Step 8: Fill It Quickly While Repeatedly Checking On Meddling Toddler Who Is No Longer Watching Engines, But Rather Crying At The Front Door.

Step 9: Empty Container Into Sink. Make Sure Sink Is Surrounded By Dirty Dishes.

Step 10: Locate And Set Up OSHA Approved Staging Area. Allow Meddling Toddler To Climb Unsupervised.

Step 11: Get Your Favorite Pandora Station Dialed In And Make Sure Meddling Toddler Dances To The Music.

Step 12: Pour Yourself A Tall Cup Of Highly Caffeinated Coffee.

Step 13: Explain To Confused And Meddling Toddler How Fun It Is All Going To Be. Make Sure He Is Surrounded By #3 Days Worth Of "Snow Days" Dishes.

Step 14: Place Meddling Toddler Onto The Ladder Just High Enough To Make His Mother Whence. Face Him Towards The Snow.

Step 15: Give Him A Multitude Of Cooking Utensils To Play With.

Step 16: Prepare For Quick And Abundant Avalanches Of Quickly Melting Snow.

Step 17: Pour Yourself A Tall, Cold Glass of Apple Cider.

Step 18: Monitor Meddling Toddler's Hand And Measure Their Redness.

Step 19: Add Cups, Cars, Tractors, And Other Toys To Increase Longevity Of "Snow In The Sink" Time.

Step 20: Use Your Surroundings To Heighten Level Of Enjoyment With Snow.

Step 21: Blame Melting Snow On Global Warming And Pretend To Be As Angry As Al Gore. Maybe Blame An SUV Or A Republican Or Both. "W" Always Seems To Be Enough.