"…even though I walk the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff they comfort me…" Psalm 23:4
A lot has been going on here and most of it has been tough. It has been like walking down a long, dark, cold corridor where there is no light at the end and the only sounds are those of our hearts and us stumbling over all the obstacles that no one warned us about and we are walking alone. We have had to say good bye to many things and each good bye has been painful in more ways than we can really speak about. So, there has been silence and there has been a plethora of sadness that fills those moments and places of silence. And this sadness has covered us like heavy sheet mail and will be something that we will carry with us for a very long time. It has all reminded me of the opening line of Charles Frazier's second book, Thirteen Moons, about there being no scathless journey. It is odd how a line like that can stick with you and your mind can rotate back to it over and over. It is odd how something can move from an item in the news to a nightmare that becomes part of everything that you think about, talk about, experience, etc. We are scathed and the wounds are fresh and won't be healed over for a very long time, but we will have to pretend they don't hurt and only expose them each other.
The short of it is that we have lost our sweet home. Part of it is my own fault and I am filled with more regret than I will be able to get over for a very long time. I have failed in my obligations as being both provider and protector for my sweet wife and son. The other part is that there is a system out there that is stacked against you no matter what you think or what people will say. I have experienced firsthand a part of our system that is broken and only hurts those who are at or near the bottom.
The long (very) of it is that my salary has decreased or remained stagnant each year we have lived in Macon and everything else has heavily increased. Our home loan was based on my 2008 salary and my current salary is far less than that. We have cut what we could, but when you make what we do, there is not much to cut. I fell behind in our payments by two payments and called the folks at Bank of America and ask what my options where and they told me to file for loan modification and I did so which entailed hours of paperwork and getting forms signed and we mailed it all in. The "wonderful" folks at Bank of America also told me to not send in payments during the modification process because once approved my late payments would be placed onto the back of my loan and our mortgage payment would be lowered. I was also told that we were pre-approved. A month and a half went by. I got worried. I had received a statement that showed us being even further behind. I mailed in a payment. It was mailed back. I called the "honest" folks at BOA and they said all was well and that they were still processing our paperwork. The second month went by and then we received a letter letting us know that we had been denied. A week later our loan was transferred to NationStar Mortgage LLC.
I quickly signed up for an online account. I spent hours talking to this person and then another at NationStar. I was told the same story about loan modification. I jumped through more hoops. I mailed in payments and they were mailed back. We were again pre-approved, then denied. We began receiving foreclosure notices from a law firm based out of Texas. I called. They said it was just protocol. No worries. I mailed in more payments. They were mailed back. Then they foreclosed on our house. I panicked. I called and spent many hours on many, many days trying to get to the bottom of it. They spoke of different options. I tried to make them work. They spoke of me getting most of what we owed together and then they would reinstate our loan and bring it back into good standing. They said they would email me the paperwork. I believed them. I called several banks. The next day they sold our house to themselves and began an aggressive eviction process. I called them back and no one seemed to know about any reinstatement program. We received a summons. I stood before a judge who said he was sorry, but that he couldn't really do anything. I contested the decision. They told me it was meaningless. I called with money from my kind and gracious father in law and was told they didn't want the money, but only the home. We lost our home. We moved out in a single day. It was like removing an organ with no anesthesia. And now our sweet home sits empty. Our keys still work. They haven't changed the locks, but they threatened us and told us that they would sit our stuff on the street if we didn't leave.
I left out a lot, but it was more of the same. It was them versus us and we were the powerless. YES, there were things I could have done and in retrospect (a retrospect that I will be thinking about many years from now with a painful amount of regret), I should have borrowed the two months we were behind. I should have asked my brother in law or sister or both to help me legally. I should have reached out. I could have saved our house. BUT BUT BUT I did not. I was naive and a sheep. I believed the people who had their best interest in mind. None of this will happen again.
We live in a new place now. It is nice. It is bigger than our home. It is comfortable and the kind folks whom we are renting from did us a huge favor and gave us a refuge for a cheap price. We didn't and don't deserve their kindness and generosity. My in-laws saved us. They moved our entire lives in a day with the sweat of their brow and the strength of their backs and they never made us (me) feel bad about my multitude of mistakes. They did it all with no complaints. Friends of ours prayed for us and a few brought us meals. Another friend has come over a few times to help hang some shelves and helped me move some heavy items from our old house. My father in law loaned us enough money to move and pay our first month's rent. It will be paid back. And God has been at each turn. It is hard to see Him in several places, but He has provided so much and we are trying with all of our might to see a plan. We know that there has to be one. God was not surprised by any of this. Even the house we are now living in was full just a few weeks ago. The family that lived there just moved to Athens. God is in control and that is some of the only hope we are holding onto. And as my very wise wife said, all of these things make up part of our redemption story.
I have returned to our old house several times to mine from it anything we could use in our new place. Each time, the place brings me to tears and I will forever be haunted by my mistakes. We are attempting to move on, but that is much easier said than done. Each night we fall asleep in someone else's room and eat meals at our table that is sitting in some else's dining room. It is a nice house, but it is not our home. Our home sits empty and cold and silently reminding me of all the life that happened there and it hurts me from there.
But as I have said to my sweet, sweet wife who has been so strong throughout all of this and has been so gracious to me in the deepest and worst of all of this. We will get it all back. No ,we will never live in that house again, but we will have a home that is ours. We will once again begin building a life around a place we both call home. We will have a place that we will develop a deep affection for. We will get it back. God will see us through this. He has to. One of his characteristics is that He is faithful and He must continue to be.
And so, this blog can no longer be named the Hines Terrace Herald. We no longer live on Hines Terrace. A new name will appear soon after things settle down a bit. I haven't decided on one yet. My heart is still on Hines Terrace. It will be there for awhile. It is Fall and the beloved ginkgoes are changing on Hines Terrace. We are not there to see them. There are no ginkgoes at the new place.
Thanks for reading and please do pray for us.
DAVID
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